The Deep Void Chapter 2 - Part 2 (new layout)

[vader146]

I awoke and blinked a few times. It took me a few moments to register where I was.

It was quite obviously a medical centre that I was in. The walls were completely white with absolutely no decoration and the light, both from the various lamps and reflecting off the walls was almost unbearable in my present state.

I felt around the back of my head to where the blood had been seeping out moments before my last memory.
There was a large clothing on my wound. Damp like cotton wool dipped in water. However it was obviously not water moistening it but blood.

Then all those painful memories came flooding back. The Remera, the attack, and my treacherous father.
I suddenly felt extremely angry again. Although this time towards those stupid Americans for not warning me about the fall.
I’m not sure why, I suppose it was just somebody new to pick on a slight change like when you try a new brand of chocolate.

Laughing slightly to myself, because of that stupid comparison, I sat upright.

A fresh surge of pain shot through my head, but this time it was at the front. Now it was obvious why the room had seemed so bright, a bloody lamp had been hovering just inches above my face.

“****** hell!!!” I swore loudly.

This captured the attention of a ship doctor who had been attending to a large medicine cabinet in the corner.
He smiled at me heartily and came striding over. As he drew nearer I noticed that he had plenty of gold teeth.
Definitely not a dentist then.

“Ah your awake,” he said jovially, “quite a nasty fall you had. Still if those idiots in the docking bay had warned you…” He shook his head exasperatedly.

“Where am I?” I inquired.

Then I noticed the doctors smile fade considerably.

“Oh,” he began in a slightly cold voice, and I suddenly felt scared.

It had of course been inevitable. No matter what tactics came into my mind, they would have eventually found out my nationality.

“You’re British!?!” It was more of a statement than a question but I nodded timidly anyway.

“You haven’t happened to fight in the Ultania region have you?” He asked whilst looking sternly at me.

“Once!” And it came out very quietly. More than even I had thought it would.

“I see,” he said glaring at me but then he looked up at the ceiling and very quickly back down at me, “still forgive and forget.” And he put on what was, this time, a very fake smile.

“So where am I?” I asked again.

“Oh yes of course, how rude of me.” The man coughed and turned his back on me to return to his medicine cabinet.

“This is the Houston exploration station.” He said sharply.
“As the name suggests it’s an American space station and is designed for exploration into the deep reaches of space.”

“And,” I said, now my voice at normal volume once again, “may I inquire as to your name?”

He turned back to me now cleaning a beaker with a blue cotton cloth.
“I am Dr Sainton, but everybody calls me Saint.” He chuckled to himself.
“Partly due to my name and partly due to the amount of people I’ve helped over the years.”

Then a new emotion came across me…gratitude.

“Such as me,” I replied happily, “it seems I am somewhat in your debt…Saint.”

“And what is your name?” asked Saint now with a real smile back on his face, to my relief of course. And couldn’t help smiling to, I’d met an American I liked.

“Steven Heller,” I replied, “but call me Steve.”

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quite a short part but hope you enjoyed it all the same.

feel free to post feedback.

[Mercenary]

Cool read and much better layout.

Just a quick note, as some of this has been published before you might not see a huge rise on the number of views, and also not so many responses.

Also as the story becomes better established you're likely to see the number of views rise gradually on previous chapters as people read the earlier ones to find out what's going on...

For this reason remember to link back to previous posts in the current one.

Observation.

"I'm not sure why, I suppose it was just somebody new to pick on a slight change like when you try a new brand of chocolate." - IMO this sentence doesn't read so well. I think I know what you're trying to say but could do with some rewording.

There's two things you can consider to make the character a come across stronger and that would be to drop the words "I suppose" which seems to soften his anger in the previous sentences and then to trim it back to "... pick on."

i.e. so it reads, "I'm not sure why. It was just someone to pick on."

[simonnance]

Wow

Great stuff!

[vader146]

cheers simonnance

[Grox]

[simonnance]

hey, feel free to critique / contribute to AMG. It may not be exactly your thing, but im sure us peons can learn from someone with your creative experience.

Plus, as we are here to stay, would be nice to have the neighbours around every now and again!

Anyhow, regardless, keep up the good work!

[vader146]

thanks again
just wondering how does a clan or whatever AGM is work as X2 has no online option?

[simonnance]

AMG is a RP clan.

Basicly we create and carry out RP missions in prepartion for X-OU

Seeing as we cant do cooperative stuff at the moment in X2, we imagine and create stuff that we can do on the thread.

The standard of work is not great compared to u creative guys, but we try!

If you have time you can read some of our stuff, i know the size is daunting, but try just brousing a few of the recent pages, there is a lot of stuff going on

We get points based on our RPs that go towards our rank (see sig)

[KiwiNZ]

Very good read, vader!

I agree, the layout makes it heaps easier to read!

Well, Steve will need all the friends he can get, starting with the Doc is a good idea.

Looking forward to the next installment.

[vader146]

thanks kwinz
and thanks simonnace for clearing that up 4 me. Where is ur stuff posted?

[simonnance]

In the main AMG thread.

havent got our own site yet, and not sure when (or if) we will

[simonnance]

BTW, i read this as a header to the first part of the first chapter,and thought it rated comment

this is only the very start I'm guessing the whole story will take a good year or two. Bear in mind I'm only 14 so this may not be great.

You have a good creative mind or you wouldnt think of writing something like this in the first place.

The important thing is that you learn, and fast too. There seems to be a rapid increase in the quality, readabiliy and plausibility of your material.

You are certanly better than me, and i am almost 19.

Greatness is measured by success, and you have had a large number of views, and a number of helpfull posts. Keep up the good work and i look foward to reading more of the story of Steven Heller!

[vader146]

glad u r enjoying
is there anything u want me to do 4 AMG?