Farnhams Legend: Chapter 4 and translation status June 2004

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KiwiNZ
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Farnhams Legend: Chapter 4 and translation status June 2004

Post by KiwiNZ » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 03:01

There is NEWSSSSS!

While I spent a week away on holidays Helge has managed to get some more chapters translated. A few he did himself a couple others done by CJB and CJ. Thanks to them we have made great progress with the translation of Helge's book! YAY! :thumb_up:

We now have all but 3 chapters translated and the remaining ones are work in process.

While this is all VERY encouraging for all, it means a HUGE amount of work is now resting on Steve's shoulders. I actually have no idea how we will ever be able to make up for it :oops:

Latest rumours are EGOSOFT are still in touch with a potential publisher! Fingers and stuff crossed! :8


Here now chapter four of Helge's story, re-written by Steve Miller.


Chapter 4

HATCHERY

Paradise is magenta and blue, flecked with pink, but who really knows? If it’s red and green check we should make the most of it.

Boron saying

Sissandras just sat there squat, silently, with his mouth slightly opened, inhaling and exhaling air with a fizzling noise. He stared at Nopileos with widened eyes, lacking appropriate words. Any kind of words; Sissandras just didn’t know anymore what to say to his egg-brother.

Sissandras just sat there, unmoving, still, his breath wheezing through his open mouth, in a trance as the lesson swept by. Afterwards Nopileos had silently pulled him by the claw to the roof of the hatchery to his secret place, a spot with a breathtaking view of the ocean. It was a place where he could drink in the serenity, undisturbed by the other egg-pupils who lacked the sense of adventure to push a writing desk from the class to the hall and clamber up to the forbidden roof through the skylight just to see what’s there.

No right-thinking Teladi would, there was no profit in curiosity.

Nopileos told him the whole story, the rumour of the Profiteroid gleaned from a drunken pirate on a previous adventure, the tampering with his Autobroker, everything. Sissandras was secretly proud of the program he’d developed for the device for it seemed to have anticipated every scenario and utilised every information source it could access to learn about the Nividium business. The device had even discerned the existence of the asteroid from fragments of clues a whole tazura before even the PTNI and Sissandras strongly suspected it might even have played an active part in the discovery. It had certainly displayed enough initiative to garner enough credits through trades to corner the market in Nividium shares. The impact on the stock exchanges was devastating.

Sissandras said nothing.

“Look,” Nopileos said finally, “nobody knows that ID license is your Autobroker.”

Sissandras still said nothing but as they both watched the sea his forehead scales began to regain their healthy, green sheen and some of his spirit flowed back into his slumped posture.

“Nopileos, brother, colleague,” he spoke finally, his ears twitching, half in jest. “Insanity and genius are said to inhabit adjacent caves but you are living proof they live claw to claw. I couldn’t have conceived this in an egg-dream!”

Nopileos gazed out to sea to cover his embarrassment. It was a wonderful hue of bluish green with a low swell that stretched to the horizon, beckoning him to rush to the beach and swim into the setting sun. Hegebalios and the other pupils would be there though. That thought doused the impulse and besides, there was still a problem to be solved.

“We have to turn the thing off,” he said, ignoring Sissandras’ remark. “Or something even worse could happen. Will the program be satisfied with what it’s achieved or will it just go on?”

Sissandras spread his claw webbing.

“Don’t know, not sure …. certainly not.”

“Can you deactivate it from here?”

“No, colleague!” Sissandras shouted, “I’ve disabled that option for security reasons!”

“Tsshhh, in that case we don’t have a choice, we must fly to Ceo’s Pride and do it ourselves.”

The name of the station had not been Nopileos’ idea but it amused him. The Ceo was their grandfather after all and he respected him still, in a way, and the name seemed apt, even if the Ceo would take no pride in an old Boron station bearing his honoured name.

“And how are we to get there?” Sissandras asked. “We are not allowed to use the shuttles for interplanetary journeys during the wozura. Even if we had permission to leave now we could not be back before tazura’s dawn tomorrow. We would miss four lessons too! Can you imagine what trouble we’d be in?”

Sissandras absently sketched geometric shapes into the layer of black sand that coated the roof with his right claw. They looked like baby scales and that touched Nopileos unexpectedly but Sissandras brushed them away with a sweep of his claw and looked straight into his brother’s eyes.

“Well?”

Nopileos made a decision.

“Listen, brother. I don’t believe that it would be that serious, there’s no precedent so they won’t know how to react but as we don’t want to risk your good reputation here I’ll file a flight plan for the third moon and take a shuttle.”

Sissandras would certainly agree he thought and once in the shuttle he would just change course and head for the station. The staff here would fall on their tales but he’d return the shuttle eventually, just a little bit late, maybe, but it would be a great adventure! The small cloud of depression lifted from him at the thought.

Sissandras wiped with his tongue across the nose thoughtfully and squinted. He was Teladi and he really didn’t care why someone tried to help him out of an awkward situation without taking advantage - even if it was his egg-brother. After all he hadn’t really caused this chaos!

“It’s a deal! But be careful and immediately switch off the AB - no matter what happens! Do you understand?”

“Yes, brother!”

“And stop calling me brother, colleague!”

*

The officer at the shuttle hire didn’t even ask Nopileos the reason for his excursion to the third moon. Some of the largest stockbrokers were based there and many young Teladi from the Hatchery visited just to learn from their egg-seniors or to trade on their positions as junior members of the elite to earn credits from those who could not afford the fees of the experienced professionals.

Nopileos cheerfully signed for the ignition card and took off, heading east into the Mittazura night, towards the third moon.

“Yatta!” He shouted the old Argon expression of joy when the Ceo’s Pride station appeared on the gravidar some stazuras later and continued until his lungs threatened to expire.

Adventure, the unknown possibilities! He’d missed this feeling so much and anticipation swelled within him as the station confirmed the secret activation code and powered up life support.

The shuttle was equipped with an autopilot docking system as standard but Nopileos disengaged it and took the control stick himself as the gigantic rotating spiral of the former Boron Trading Outpost grew. The docking tunnel was at one end of the central axis, where the centrifugal forces generated by the rotating mass were at a minimum and Nopileos headed towards the pulsing green docking lights.

The majestic mountain of metal soon filled the forward cockpit, dwarfing the shuttle but making him feel like a king as his ship responded adroitly to every twitch of the control stick. As the huge docking bay doors split open in welcome he matched the station rotation with tiny bursts from the attitude thrusters and eased the shuttle slowly towards a docking platform. When big metal docking clamps gently seized the ship and carried it to one of the many empty bays he felt terrific, crazy, wonderful, he was a real adventurer!

Nopileos sang elatedly all the way to the control room, not a Teladi song but something called an ‘old hit’ he’d picked up from a Goner some time ago. “Insanity, madness, it’s all the same to me – hang on!”

But then a strange feeling crept over him, making him freeze. He was absolutely sure there had been no lights on in any of the corridors and rooms when he set the station on standby three Tazura’s ago, yet store room 7 now was bright as Tazura. Nopileos had never seen it illuminated; he didn’t even know that the light cells were still working.




“He..hello?” he shouted uncertainly. His claws twitched with the urge to flee back to the hangar, but the Control Room was only a few steps away so he resisted to the temptation. All he had to do was grab the AutoBroker, turn it off and hurry back to the shuttle.
“Lello..ell..olleloll..hello..ell..”

His body scales bristled but after a Sezura of horror he realized that this was only the echo of his own voice thrown back from the far distant ends of the main corridor. Plucking up all his courage he entered the big store-room through the open door. It was completely empty, even the rows of shelves had been removed. Nopileos couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary, and left, touching the sensor pad. The light cells went out with a quiet crack and Nopileos continued to the Command Centre. After only a couple of steps he heard a distinct buzz from behind that was loud enough to echo, the storeroom lights were back on.

“Rshaaaassshhhhh!” Panic-stricken, Nopileos scrabbled at the door and dived the last few meters into the brightly lit control room. His bare claws skittered on the metal floor, leaving a trail of small scratches in soot from an old fire. The AutoBroker, sat on the broken console, its display active. Nopileos snatched the device, shut the display with a loud snap and reluctantly, fearing what he might see looked round the huge, circular room.

He was not alone, something metallic, silver, with dark violet glowing eyes, stared fiercely. It was very big, much bigger than any Teladi, multi-limbed, but without a clearly discernible form. Its flexible tentacles gripped unknown instruments, and it started to move slowly towards Nopileos. The control Room door slid shut.

“He-help!” he shouted loudly, pushing at the door. It opened much too slowly but metallic monster was slower and he squeezed his stocky, saurian body through the gap and ran along the corridor, desperately crying for help in several languages. Halfway the lights went out and the emergency lighting flickered on, somebody he realised, was powering down the station. Nopileos reached the hangar, jumped into the shuttle and immediately sealed the airlocks of the space ship - not a single sezura too early! Both doors of the docking bay opened simultaneously and the air poured out into the vacuum, condensing to a cloud of frozen ice crystals.

Without waiting for the automatic launch system he fired up the drives and crashed the small ship through the docking clamps. The deafening screech of torn metal almost paralysed him with fright.

The docking gates began to close again and he snapped the thrust controller to full power. The drives roared and for few moments the inertial compensators only managed to absorb part of the acceleration and he was pressed hard into the seat as the shuttle shot arrow-like through the closing gates. The Boron station faded rapidly into the star-covered background. There appeared to be no sign of pursuit but Nopileos was too scared to check too closely. The approach alarm had remained silent and after several Stazuras he slowly began to relax and reflect on what had happened.

He had seen a Xenon, he was sure of it although no-one had seen a true Xenon to his knowledge although the term was synonymous with the dark, machine-controlled space ships that had terrorised the Community of Planets for several centuries now. But what else should it have been? A huge, self-moving machine! There only remained the questions were how it had become aware of the ‘Ceo’s Pride’ and how did it arrive - could it be possible that he had missed a Xenon ship while concentrating on manual docking?


The young saurian stared thoughtfully out of the cockpit window. In the corner of his eyes he saw the AutoBroker which he had carelessly thrown into the co-pilots’ seat. The device was still online. Of course! The data transfers to the next relay station could have drawn the Xenon’s attention to the old Boron spiral!

Nopileos took the AutoBroker, opened the display and looked at the rows of incessantly changing numbers and curves. It took quite a while for him to understand what he was seeing and longer to believe it. The AutoBroker had sold off the whole lot Nividium shares at maximum price and meanwhile had generated a profit of - Nopileos swallowed - more than 18 billion credits! Sissandras would... he would become light-green around the nostrils and the colour would stay in his face forever, because there was a tiny little problem with the teladian company politics.

Up to the age of 12 Jazuras, when they reach full legal business age, all profits of a young Teladi, which exceeded a certain amount, were regarded as a contribution to their training. It was a sound rule because every Teladi would start to generate profits sooner or later and this way they would finance their own breeding and training programme. Most young Teladi achieved modest profits, anything from several tens of thousands up to a maximum of few hundred thousand credits during their first twelve Jazuras and then started their adult business life with the legally permitted 12693 credits.

Nopileos didn’t doubt it for a single Sezura that the teachers of the hatchery would simply inflate their nostrils and tell him, “The rule is clear and should come as no surprise” when they learnt about his stock exchange coup. The company would pocket the 18 billion credits, leaving him with ‘chump change’ as the Argon might say. Nopileos clicked his tongue and glanced at the shuttle's controls. He had about four Stazuras until the Platinball Flight Control took control of the shuttle and bought it in. That should, he thought, be more than enough time to move all those credits beyond the grasp of the Teladi Trading Company.

*

Ceo Ssuphandros Mikimades Isemados III crouched unmoving on the seating table, his claws folded under the chin, and stared at his grandchildren with seeming amusement. His posture suggested he was cool and relaxed - but Nopileos knew only too well that the Ceo was anything but cool, relaxed or amused. He just possessed an astonishing level of self control.

Teacher Wohalimis sat to the Ceo’s left. “Rotten eggs!” he whispered, nervously fluttering his nostrils after Nopileos had finished his account. Sissandras also felt uneasy and his face had turned an unnatural light green that matched the unhappy Hegebalios. He tried without success to sink into his seat and as this didn’t work he attempted to appear unconcerned. His colouration and posture gave him away.

After a while the Ceo pointed at Nopileos with his fore claw. “So”, he said. “You’ve transferred 18 billion credits to the Boron Orphan Fund then, oh grandson Nopileos. Have I understand correctly?” Nopileos waggled his scale crest in confirmation and boldly looked the Ceo’s straight in the eye.

“Yes, grandfather Ceo.”

The Ceo was old, although not ancient. His scales were a weather-beaten dark green-brown, and the yellow of his pupils were tinged with the red of age but he radiated a tremendous energy, and with each remark he conveyed the firm impression that his mind remained as keen as a honed blade. Isemados was known to be very unconventional and after his nomination, many decazuras ago, he was given a hard time by his opponents but in the end he managed to overcome their resistance and led the Teladi economy to undreamed of heights. His position and judgement was now unquestionable and his name pronounced only with deep awe and respect throughout the whole Teladi Trading Company. However, many Teladi meeting the Ceo for the first time were still surprised by his unusual personality. Nopileos, who had known him for his whole life, also paid respect to the Ceo. He also knew how to handle him.

Ceo Isemados flared his nostrils, almost imperceptibly.

“You are aware that the whole annual budget of the Boron matriarchy is less than 18 billion credits?”

“Tsss-uhmm...nnnno”, Nopileos hissed embarrassedly. As if that made any difference!
The Ceo waggled his ears. “And what do you have to tell me, oh grandson Sissandras?”
Sissandras winced noticeably and tried to sink deeper into the seating table. “I, oh...” he hesitated, reached for his ear and started to twiddle it hectically between two fingers while he blurted “Err, well, I’ve told my colleague Nopileos....”

“Your brother,” the Ceo said.

“Ah..tssk...” Sissandras shot Nopileos an outraged glance “Well, yes. Yes, on principle, yes!” he confirmed, even more discomfited.

“I’ve told my... egg-brother... Nopileos not to do anything about it in any case, but only to switch off my AutoBroker and bring it back. I - I’m really not responsible for his actions... ssssssk!”

“So you’re happy with the fact, oh grandson Sissandras, that your egg-brother Nopileos stole a shuttle in order to fly to the Boron spiral which the two of you had discovered quite some time ago and - in contradiction to any company policy - kept secret, on a little solo jaunt just to bring back your AutoBroker?”

“So...to...speak...”, Sissandras whispered, rather embarrassed by the interpretation the Ceo put on events.

“Crushed eggs,” lecturer Wohalimis muttered softly. The Ceo fixed the nervous teacher with a harsh stare.

“Colleague Wohalimis. As your only contributions consist of continual cursing I'd like to request you leave me alone with my grandchild for the time being.”

“Sorry, colleague Ceo, but I...”

“I’m insisting on it. And Sissandras, please accompany the colleague lecturer and wait outside.”

Sissandras happily obeyed. He was desperate to escape from an embarrassing situation which he was powerless to influence in any way. Events had been torn out of his claws - he didn’t feel responsible for the disastrous way things had developed and he regarded it most unfair that he also was accused of being involved when it was all Nopileos’ fault!

After the two had closed the door behind themselves, the Ceo regarded his young grandchild in silence for some moments. Nopileos could hardly believe his eyes. If he looked closely the scales of the old Teladi seemed slightly erect. Could it be that the old campaigner was rather amused?

After a while the Ceo rose to his feet and shuffled over to the window, which provided an almost as beautiful view over the sea as Nopileos’ secret place on the roof did.

“Come over, by my side,” the Ceo said. Nopileos hesitated for a moment before joining his grandfather.

“My son, what you’ve done is a slap in the Company’s face! Of the Teladian nation. Wasn’t it?”

The young Teladi kept an embarrassed silence. Outside, in front of the window, a lonesome, screeching gull leant into the wind and demonstrated its superior aeronautical skills in a series of daring maneouvers.

“Son, it may appear strange, but I like you - my sympathies and my heart are with you!”

Nopileos looked at the Ceo in astonishment. The scale plates of the old Ceo were completely set erect now. Isemados returned Nopileos’ look for a moment, hissed amusedly and then continued watching the gull’s daredevil nosedives.

“Teladi such as you, oh Nopileos, sustain my hope that, one day, our nation will be so much more than only the largest financial power in the universe. I have met Teladi heroes, poets, musicians and inventors! You wouldn’t believe what I’ve all seen during all my decazuras But you, my youthful friend, wear all their colours - adventurer, hero - and, above all, joker!”

Nopileos remained silent. The fact that he had found an ally in the Ceo left him speechless.

“We are Teladi, oh grandson Nopileos”, the Ceo continued, “We have heart and humour, as our scale plates show! We have also an intellect, so big and spacious that there’s no need to hide it from the other peoples in the universe. Yet we prefer to stay just traders and financial expert saurians. Son....,” Ceo Isemados glanced for the last time at the gull and then put a claw on Nopileos’ shoulder. “I am the Ceo, the chairman of the Teladi Company. If all continues going so well as it has I will remain in my position for a few more decazuras. Look, I long for Teladi that are able to make free decisions. Who can become gardener, scale curists, cartoonists or reporters or... whatever they personally wish to be. But I have to walk within the laws of our people. Only very slowly, step by step, can I try to enlarge our ken. You can understand that, can’t you?”

“Yes, grandfather Ceo, I believe so. But I’m rather astonished that you of all Teladi, think the same way!”

“Tshh... I am the Ceo, son. Who, if not me, should be more wise and think further? But there’s one thing you have to understand. What you’ve done was rather brave and quite to my liking. But I just can’t let you have your way - if I did that they would challenge my judgement. In several decazuras many young Teladi may think like you and I would embrace it!”

Nopileos waited fascinated. The Ceo was about to deliver a verdict that would decide his future.

“Oh grandson. I’m afraid my claws are tied, I am the Ceo and have to act within the limits of my position. Nothing else remains to be done than to ban you from the hatchery.”

Nopileos winced, not that he really had loved the hatchery but without a home, without credits, without Sissandras, without... yes, even without the others, what would he have?”

“I know how you’re feeling now”, the Ceo continued. “You will attain full business age in few mazuras and you will be legally allowed to care for yourself. Until then I will place a small ship at your disposal, but there’s one condition, oh grandson Nopileos...”

“Yes, grandfather?”

“I want you to take care of yourself and report to me regularly. You are the future, my son, even if I’m the only one to realise this simple truth at this point. You might be the Ceo some tazura - and I want you to live to see that time. Apart from that,” the Ceo closed with a whisper, “I would also like to see that.”

There was moment of deep silence until the elder one continued.

“My decision is effective immediately - there’s still time to bid good bye to your egg-brother and your friends and to pack your possessions. A shuttle will pick you up here tomorrow evening and take you to the shipyard in the system Seizewell, where my private yacht is currently being reconditioned and re-equipped. I’m going to loan it to you until further notice - may it take you to the places your heart desires.”

With these words the Ceo tilted his head and winked at his egg-grandson. He left the faculty room without turning around. Nopileos still stood at the window for some moments and gazed out, unable to think rationally. Fragments of memories and unfamiliar feelings raced through his head - names, events and the sense that a huge black hole was opening to swallow him. If Teladi were able to cry, tears would have filled his yellow saurian eyes at this moment.

A few sezuras later he heard that the door open and felt his egg-brother Sissandras resting an arm around his shoulder.

thrangar
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Post by thrangar » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 05:59

:o

I bet it was the sohonen and not a Xenon!


Anyways very much appreciate the work, my hopes are high for the puplishing of this :D


This could be the way the Teladi talk, but then again... maybe not?

"After a while the Ceo pointed at Nopileos with his fore claw. “So”, he said. “You’ve transferred 18 billion credits to the Boron Orphan Fund then, oh grandson Nopileos. Have I understand correctly?” Nopileos waggled his scale crest in confirmation and boldly looked the Ceo’s straight in the eye. "



Again a big thankyou to you guys for all your hard work




Cheera\s/Thrangar

SteveMill
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Post by SteveMill » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 10:27

thrangar wrote::o

I bet it was the sohonen and not a Xenon!


Anyways very much appreciate the work, my hopes are high for the puplishing of this :D


This could be the way the Teladi talk, but then again... maybe not?

"After a while the Ceo pointed at Nopileos with his fore claw. “So”, he said. “You’ve transferred 18 billion credits to the Boron Orphan Fund then, oh grandson Nopileos. Have I understand correctly?” Nopileos waggled his scale crest in confirmation and boldly looked the Ceo’s straight in the eye. "



Again a big thankyou to you guys for all your hard work




Cheera\s/Thrangar
No - just over-reliance on spell-checkers. Can whoever holds the master make the relevant changes.

Although translations may be finished there is a world of difference from even the best translation and good fiction, particularly with languages so different as English and German, and they all take a lot of re-writing. On chapter 8 at the moment.

KiwiNZ
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Post by KiwiNZ » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 10:32

Will make the necessary amendment. Thanks for the spot :)

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Post by Mailo » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 11:22

Paradise is magenta and blue, flecked with pink, but who really knows? If it’s red and green check we should make the most of it.
First post on this forum, and a nit-picking one :P

Shouldn't the highlighted sentence read "checkered in red and green", or "chequered", for our british readers?
"rot und gruen kariert" in german?

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Post by SteveMill » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 12:46

Mailo wrote:
Paradise is magenta and blue, flecked with pink, but who really knows? If it’s red and green check we should make the most of it.
First post on this forum, and a nit-picking one :P

Shouldn't the highlighted sentence read "checkered in red and green", or "chequered", for our british readers?
"rot und gruen kariert" in german?
Possibly but would it make any more sense? Someone change if needed.

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Post by FourFingers » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 15:17

Great stuff guys!!

quality read..

The effort going into it must be HUGE!

Original story-----> Raw translation to English------->Rewritten into coherent English fiction------>Spelling, grammer,structure checking... :o

My best wishes to all involved!
THANKS!!! :D
Master of the mysterious Fourfingers.
lieutenant Dragon Rider. RED BROOD

SteveMill
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Post by SteveMill » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 16:28

FourFingers wrote:Great stuff guys!!

quality read..

The effort going into it must be HUGE!

Original story-----> Raw translation to English------->Rewritten into coherent English fiction------>Spelling, grammer,structure checking... :o

My best wishes to all involved!
THANKS!!! :D
thanks - I think we're relying on you lot to do the final check. :wink: It's amazing - no matter how many times you check your own work you miss the most glaring of errors.

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Post by The_Abyss » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 16:30

Errors or not, this is quality writing and quality unpaid effort for us all.

Keep it up everyone!
Strung out on Britain's high, hitting an all time low

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Post by Zombo » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 16:40

One Thing:

The planet, "Platinball", didn't you call him "Platinum Ball" in chapter 2 ?

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Post by SteveMill » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 17:20

Zombo wrote:One Thing:

The planet, "Platinball", didn't you call him "Platinum Ball" in chapter 2 ?
Quite possibly - good spot, thanks.

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Post by HelgeK » Tue, 1. Jun 04, 17:27

SteveMill wrote:It's amazing - no matter how many times you check your own work you miss the most glaring of errors.
I've encountered the same thing in the studio during the recordings of the FL audiobook. The producer and I read along with the voice talents behind the microphone. The three of us found some 60 typos, spelling and grammar errors on those 550+ pages -- even though the text was professionally proofread back in 1999. The voice talents all concurred that this is completely normal.

Helge

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Post by THESPEEKER » Wed, 2. Jun 04, 05:25

Great work Guys, pat on the back for all who have helped with Helge's story 8)

Have noticed a couple of possible typo's(or it could be my way of reading it wrong)

The AutoBroker had sold off the whole lot Nividium shares at maximum price and meanwhile had generated a profit of - Nopileos swallowed - more than 18 billion credits!

removing the word lot or adding of after lot would help this sentence.

He had seen a Xenon, he was sure of it although no-one had seen a true Xenon to his knowledge although the term was synonymous with the dark, machine-controlled space ships that had terrorised the Community of Planets for several centuries now. But what else should it have been? A huge, self-moving machine! There only remained the questions were how it had become aware of the ‘Ceo’s Pride’ and how did it arrive - could it be possible that he had missed a Xenon ship while concentrating on manual docking?

Change to could , and The only remaining questions were how it had

A few sezuras later he heard that the door open and felt his egg-brother Sissandras resting an arm around his shoulder.

that =not needed

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Post by SteveMill » Wed, 2. Jun 04, 11:52

THESPEEKER wrote:Great work Guys, pat on the back for all who have helped with Helge's story 8)

Have noticed a couple of possible typo's(or it could be my way of reading it wrong)

The AutoBroker had sold off the whole lot Nividium shares at maximum price and meanwhile had generated a profit of - Nopileos swallowed - more than 18 billion credits!

removing the word lot or adding of after lot would help this sentence.

He had seen a Xenon, he was sure of it although no-one had seen a true Xenon to his knowledge although the term was synonymous with the dark, machine-controlled space ships that had terrorised the Community of Planets for several centuries now. But what else should it have been? A huge, self-moving machine! There only remained the questions were how it had become aware of the ‘Ceo’s Pride’ and how did it arrive - could it be possible that he had missed a Xenon ship while concentrating on manual docking?

Change to could , and The only remaining questions were how it had

A few sezuras later he heard that the door open and felt his egg-brother Sissandras resting an arm around his shoulder.

that =not needed
Thanks - K - can you adjust the master copy?

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Post by KiwiNZ » Wed, 2. Jun 04, 13:00

Yup, will do. Thanks for the spots, THEKEEPER.

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Post by pixel » Wed, 2. Jun 04, 19:48

Everyone involved in this....Great Stuff :D :D :D :D :D :D

Really enjoying reading the story.
"I find your lack of belief in the Three Dimensionality disturbing." Mercenary

"So getting this chick back is more than just getting a chick back. It's the concrete manifestation of an abstract policy goal. And we like concrete - right, Vic?"

Red wine...the only way to frag

KiwiNZ
Posts: 3510
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x4

Post by KiwiNZ » Wed, 23. Jun 04, 03:53

Thanks :D

Progress is good and an update and new chapter will be published begin of July ;)

Al
Posts: 11996
Joined: Mon, 11. Nov 02, 10:26
x3tc

Post by Al » Wed, 23. Jun 04, 19:45

Good stuff guys.

Al
X2 Capture Guru - X3:TC Noob :D
X2 Capture Guide

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