“Ah, there you are!” The commander bellowed across the steel platform. “Come on get over here.”
“Patient man.” I mumbled to Saint.
He merely nodded back and began to walk over to where the voice had come from. I followed swiftly, eager to be on my way before the commander reconsidered his decision.
“I’d better tell him I’m going with you,” said Saint “otherwise he might get a bit edgy, what with your little speech earlier.”
“Alright!” I replied.
Saint put on a false smile as we approached the commander and sprung to a formal salute. I took a look at the salute and copied it the best I could.
“Sir!” Shouted Saint.
“Oh...err...at ease.” Answered the commander, waving a hand dismissively.
We both relaxed. Well I was relaxed Saint looked as though he’d prefer to be in the midst of a space battle with a million to one chance of winning. He was concerned about having to tell the commander about his ‘unscheduled absence.’
“Sir,” began saint, “I have been talking to Mr Heller of his mission and I am sure you will agree it is a noble cause.”
“Yes, very admirable even if a little foolhardy.”
“As you are aware Mr Heller is putting together a six man crew. He seems to have most things under control but he informs me that there is a vacancy for a medic.”
The commander shuffled uncomfortably and raised one eyebrow. Saint gulped deeply.
“Well I was wondering, I mean if it’s no trouble sir,” Saint was starting to sweat “might I perhaps have your permission to accompany him?”
“You are indeed a man of self sacrifice; I have always admired you for that.” Saint couldn’t help smiling. “However you seem to lack the ability to make decisions for yourself.” The smile was gone.
“I’m not sure I quite follow sir.” Said Saint.
The commander rolled his eyes.
“I’m saying, Saint, that it’s your decision. I would advise you to go lord knows Mr Heller can use all the help he can get.”
“Then I expect I shall not be seeing you for a long time, if ever…Sir!” He added hastily.
The commander looked at Saint for a moment, and nodded.
“You know which docking bay the ship’s on.”
“Yes, sir!” Replied Saint as he turned.
“Oh and Saint,” the commander called after him, “you needn’t be so formal to me.” He lowered his voice so only I could hear. “Anyone would think he’s talking to the god damn president.”
I laughed slightly and the commander smiled at me. I suddenly felt a lot more relaxed.
“That was an impressive speech back in my office.” The commander began. “You’ve got a lot of guts kid.”
“No sir I’m jut not an asshole.” I said jokingly.
The commander laughed out loud.
“I wasn’t willing to give you the chance, good thing you butted in. Never liked the British much with Ultania and Ryzon.”
I nodded and then realized what he had said.
“Ryzon, sir?”
“It was covered up, not pleasant, probably best you don’t know.” His eyes narrowed. “And don’t call me sir I’m not your commanding officer, just call me Greg.”
This was an odd request coming from a man of such high stature, but I obliged.
“Alright…Greg.” I answered.
“Look after Saint, he’s a good man. Not much of a fighter but he’ll always be there for you. I finer medic you won’t fin in this region of the galaxy. He’s an orphan you know, his parents died in Ryzon. One of only two survivors.”
“You’re right,” I said as I looked over at Saint carrying supply boxes, “that doesn’t sound pleasant. Who was the other survivor?”
“Oh some British kid, probably about your age now, like Saint.”
“What was his name?” I asked.
“Oh, let me think, it might have been…Jim Stevenson.”
“Stevenson,” I said, “he was a technician on the Remera, died along with the rest of them so far as I know.”
“Unfortunate, for the same man to be involved in two incidents such as that.”
“Which do you think was worse Ryzon or the Remera?” I enquired.
“Ryzon, no doubt, it was the worst disaster in recent memory, well memory for all those who know the truth. Many people think it was just an asteroid collision.”
“I’ve never heard about it.” I answered.
“No, you wouldn’t have, the Brits really wanted to cover it up, after what they did.” He looked stern. “Still enough with this, I’ll take you to your ship. No need to return it, consider it a gift.”
“What for?” I asked
“How the hell should I know?”
I followed him over to a pier leading out over the chasm which ended many hundreds of metres bellow. I gulped and began to move more slowly. I hated heights when I wasn’t in some sort of vessel.
The commander had led me over to a magnificent looking ship. The exterior gleamed a magnificent bronze and several thrusters jutted out the rear. It was bullet shaped and roughly the size of a suburban house. To gunner positions poked out of the surface like warts. Several round windows lined the side with a much larger one at the face stretching from side to side. On the side the words ‘The Phoenix’ were painted in a magnificent sky blue. It was a thing of beauty.
The commander had obviously noticed my open mouth, and chuckled.
“Really something isn’t she? One of the best of her kind, get you wherever you want in no time and only needs refuelling about once every two months. Not bad considering the speed it goes.”
“Well it’s very nice. You don’t have to sacrifice such a good ship you know.”
“I know,” he replied, “but I want to. Don’t worry about anything saint knows the controls so he can pilot but it’s better if he teaches you. Not much of a flier is Saint.”
“Well…err...thank you!”
“No need to. Anyway get going, the galaxy is a large place just waiting to be explored, can’t keep it waiting.”
I smiled and strode over to the bridge connecting the pier and the ship. As the bridge disconnected and the door began to slide shut I span around and gave one final salute. The commander returned with a smile as he disappeared behind the thick metal.
The interior was just as brilliant as the outside. The control panel gleamed as though it had been polished just minutes before and the steel glinted in the light coming from several lights sank into the ceiling. The dials were all red and white which blended well with the maroon leather seats. Leather, I’d never seen that before in a space craft, and a royal blue carpet. It was very extravagant. Behind me two doors led to further rooms which I guessed had the same red, blue and silver colour theme. There were six seats in the room just as requested.
Saint was already sat in one of them poised directly in-front of a black control stick. Fingers poised over what I guessed were the buttons to start the engines.
“What’s back there?” I asked gesturing at the two doors.
“Oh sleeping quarters, medical centre, kitchen, gunner positions, engine room, bathroom and the two gunner positions I think.”
“What’s the bathroom like? Hope it’s better than the ones here.”
Saint smiled,
“Black and white marble.” He answered simply.
My mouth dropped, even better than I thought. Must be straight off the production line.
“Anyway, we’re burning fuel just hovering here. Where to?” He asked before adding “Captain.”
“Solsar,” I said, “It’s time I visited home.”
(feedback welcome as always)
The Deep Void - Chapter 3 - Part 2
Moderators: TheElf, Moderators for English X Forum
So this really isnt anywhere near the X universe is it, is all good, sounds like a good story so far. To be fair though, i dont think any military commander is gonna be that easy goin about a large armada of destroyers that blow up stations, he's gonna want to find them too, weith a bit more than a 6 man starship....
Plus, we British dont do that many massacres anymore, been at least a hundred years, could we not have a different bad guy please i can live with stereotypes but not crap ones!
Otherwise apart from a few typos its pretty good
Plus, we British dont do that many massacres anymore, been at least a hundred years, could we not have a different bad guy please i can live with stereotypes but not crap ones!
Otherwise apart from a few typos its pretty good
As I'm british I don't see how it's any problem if use them as an enemy and it's not as though they're complete evil they've simply made some mistakes.
As for the general letting him go off on his own the commander understands his personal grudge beacause of Ryzon (mentioned in story) which is explained in a prequel I will write.
And I'm perfectly aware it's completely un X related.
As for the general letting him go off on his own the commander understands his personal grudge beacause of Ryzon (mentioned in story) which is explained in a prequel I will write.
And I'm perfectly aware it's completely un X related.
Good dialogue. I particularly like how you convey all sorts of background information through it. 
Great stuff though.
steve
No need for the said Saint bit? Try and lose speech attribution wherever you can without confusion.“I’m not sure I quite follow sir.” Said Saint.
You don't need the opening sentence - you're telling us and then showing us. Just show.The interior was just as brilliant as the outside. The control panel gleamed as though it had been polished just minutes before and the steel glinted in the light coming from several lights sank into the ceiling. The dials were all red and white which blended well with the maroon leather seats. Leather, I’d never seen that before in a space craft, and a royal blue carpet. It was very extravagant. Behind me two doors led to further rooms which I guessed had the same red, blue and silver colour theme. There were six seats in the room just as requested.
Great stuff though.
steve
-
FourFingers
- Posts: 163
- Joined: Fri, 26. Mar 04, 22:37
`dear old dad´ died near the start the thing you need to work out is who the hooded figure is. There are some clues there but not obvious ones. Thanks for the help and compliments as usual guys.
I´ll put in the type of ship some point in the next part then. It´s a sort of heavy fighter but it´s probably best if I put it in the story.
I´ll put in the type of ship some point in the next part then. It´s a sort of heavy fighter but it´s probably best if I put it in the story.
So Bloody Sunday doesn't ring a bell then? Or using poison gas on Iraq villages? Or India? Admittedly we're amateurs compared to some but we try.Raven_152 wrote:So this really isnt anywhere near the X universe is it, is all good, sounds like a good story so far. To be fair though, i dont think any military commander is gonna be that easy goin about a large armada of destroyers that blow up stations, he's gonna want to find them too, weith a bit more than a 6 man starship....
Plus, we British dont do that many massacres anymore, been at least a hundred years, could we not have a different bad guy please i can live with stereotypes but not crap ones!
Otherwise apart from a few typos its pretty good
More good stuff Vader.
[quote="SteveMill"][quote="Raven_152"]So this really isnt anywhere near the X universe is it, is all good, sounds like a good story so far. To be fair though, i dont think any military commander is gonna be that easy goin about a large armada of destroyers that blow up stations, he's gonna want to find them too, weith a bit more than a 6 man starship....
Plus, we British dont do that many massacres anymore, been at least a hundred years, could we not have a different bad guy please i can live with stereotypes but not crap ones!
Otherwise apart from a few typos its pretty good[/quote]
So Bloody Sunday doesn't ring a bell then? Or using poison gas on Iraq villages? Or India? Admittedly we're amateurs compared to some but we try.
More good stuff Vader.[/quote]
Wasn't the poison gas in Iraq Sadam's doing?
Plus, we British dont do that many massacres anymore, been at least a hundred years, could we not have a different bad guy please i can live with stereotypes but not crap ones!
Otherwise apart from a few typos its pretty good
[/quote]So Bloody Sunday doesn't ring a bell then? Or using poison gas on Iraq villages? Or India? Admittedly we're amateurs compared to some but we try.
More good stuff Vader.
[/quote]Wasn't the poison gas in Iraq Sadam's doing?
No - in the twenties Churchill used the RAF to bomb and gas Iraq villages. Churlishly the Iraqi's objected to us taking over their country.vader146 wrote:Wasn't the poison gas in Iraq Sadam's doing?SteveMill wrote:So Bloody Sunday doesn't ring a bell then? Or using poison gas on Iraq villages? Or India? Admittedly we're amateurs compared to some but we try.Raven_152 wrote:So this really isnt anywhere near the X universe is it, is all good, sounds like a good story so far. To be fair though, i dont think any military commander is gonna be that easy goin about a large armada of destroyers that blow up stations, he's gonna want to find them too, weith a bit more than a 6 man starship....
Plus, we British dont do that many massacres anymore, been at least a hundred years, could we not have a different bad guy please i can live with stereotypes but not crap ones!
Otherwise apart from a few typos its pretty good
More good stuff Vader.
first -it gave the newly formed RAF something to do. Second, it was cheaper and quicker than sending in troops. Third, in the view of the time, the fuzzy wuzzy's liked it down on them even less than they liked it up 'em so to speak. The original shock and awe.vader146 wrote:What was the reason behind the bombing?
http://www.againstbombing.org/chemical.htm*I do not understand this sqeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poison gas against uncivilised tribes.*
To quote the Greatest Englishman Ever, although he apparently believed this would just make Johnny Raghead 'uncomfortable'. We also machine gunned and bombed them, no doubt merely mildly discomfiting them in the process.
Iraq is the product of a lying empire. The British carved it duplicitously from ancient history, thwarted Arab hopes, Ottoman loss, the dunes of Mesopotamia and the mountains of Kurdistan at the end of the first world war. Unsurprisingly, anarchy and insurrection were there from the start.
The British responded with gas attacks by the army in the south, bombing by the fledgling RAF in both north and south. When Iraqi tribes stood up for themselves, we unleashed the flying dogs of war to "police" them. Terror bombing, night bombing, heavy bombers, delayed action bombs (particularly lethal against children) were all developed during raids on mud, stone and reed villages during Britain's League of Nations' mandate.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story ... 08,00.html
http://www.globalpolicy.org/security/is ... hindex.htm
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