'Of Future Heroism' - Pt.11 - Fight or Flight...
(You Hard Core Sci-Fi types can ignore this one if you like...)
In the several mizura that had passed it had become more and more obvious that I was pregnant... Chi'zaia and my mother had known almost immediately despite my attempts to keep it secret... Perhaps it was the morning sickness that just wouldn't go away... All my attempts to keep food down was completely dictated by the foetus inside me... I had to contact Page but the secret service refused to even acknowledge his existence but they did say that if such a person did exist that they would of course pass the message on... the fact that I was pregnant with his child didn't seem to mean much to them...
I'm pregnant living in a house full of women... never have I been more uncomfortable with myself... Chi'zaia in particular has become very maternal... My mother has me on a strict 'Specialist' diet in the hope that I might begin to feel more stable... It's growing bigger everyday... part of me is delighted another part of me is sort of frightened of what's going to be like to give birth... We're going to buy baby clothes and furniture for the nursery I don't really feel like doing it but everyone's so excited I guess I have to go. I don't feel particularly maternal... maybe there's something wrong with me, shouldn't I be doing all these things to prepare and all I want to do is hide. I am a bloated arganu!!! I feel disgusting... Well maybe not that bad.
I awoke in the hospital emergency room... there was blood on the clinical surgical covers, the doctor had a sad look in her eyes "I'm Doctor Neesa... You've had a miscarriage..." As she said the words I felt my heart shatter "we were forced to operate... We were unable so save your child..." sadness flowed into my being... I curled up into a ball and wept...
I had lost my child... my child was lost to me... I would never see her little face... or see her growing up... my little one was gone. I sat in the doctors office while she performed her multitude of tests... I heard the door opening... It was Doctor Neesa she had that sad look again "Were you aware that you were at high risk of a miscarriage???" "NO" I brushed a tear from my cheek "Well from the test we have run I'm afraid that you are at an extremely high risk of miscarriage it is unlikely that you will ever be able to successfully reach full term... in my professional opinion I doubt you would survive to reach full term anyway..." I felt the sadness well up inside of me... she continued to speak but I didn't want to hear it. I looked down at the floor... My body was too fragile to withstand child birth... my options were very simple... I could try again, the possibility of miscarriage was high... high enough for the doctor to provide me with the option of removing my uterus, and even then the likelihood of my living through childbirth was low... I would not see my child grow up... My other option was to live my life... I felt so very selfish... Ugly... My biological reason in life had been taken from me... I was just a useless shell... I refused the operation despite the adamant warnings of the doctor... I felt myself become a courtesan... such a pretty thing... but who loves the courtesans when they lose their beauty???
I would never forget... but as the tazuras passed the pain faded into the background... One tazura blurred into the others, I completely lost track of time... I could now completely understand Steslza... To have something so precious ripped from you is unbearable... she chose the moment of my great despair to find strength... Slowly but surely I felt myself finding reason to the madness in my life. So what that I had been denied this... I was still alive... and as long as I was still breathing then there must be something somewhere that is important enough to warrant me still being alive. One day I got up, walked down stairs and asked my mother if there was anything that needed doing... She put me in charge of a small off world factory... The owner had not been able to keep up with repayments and so his business had been reclaimed by the state... It took me only a few wozura to turn the business around... It consumed all my time... Finally I hit profit... The bank finally handed over the deeds... The factory was all mine. That evening the door chimes rang... everyone was busy celebrating my successes so I went for it... As soon as I opened the door Page swept me off my feet and kissed me... a long deep kiss "Hi babes... my you look good enough to eat... so where's are little girl then... if she looks even half like her mother she must be a real stunner?!?" I looked into his eyes... he hadn't a clue... should I tell him... a relationship must be built on truth... he deserved to know...
Ok part 12 will be back to the other stuff...
'Of Future Heroism' - Pt.11 - Fight or Flight...
Moderators: TheElf, Moderators for English X Forum
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silentWitness
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silentWitness
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By the way... It you need a recap I've amalgamated all the parts here:
http://www.x2ou.com/modules.php?name=Fo ... opic&t=510
And I do still want comments and suggestions... I'll have part 12 done in a few days... Now I have some time...
http://www.x2ou.com/modules.php?name=Fo ... opic&t=510
And I do still want comments and suggestions... I'll have part 12 done in a few days... Now I have some time...
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Some Idiot in PA
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Some Idiot in PA
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silentWitness
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Some Idiot in PA
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For all who read and wish to offer criticism, the rules were made clear when this forum was established. There is some great work going on here, effort put in for nothing in terms of fiction, artwork, graphics, roleplay and video. Criticism, if offered, should be constructive and helpful. Some people also want to learn as well as express themselves.
Thank you for a little more consideration prior to posting.
Btw - good read SW
Thank you for a little more consideration prior to posting.
Btw - good read SW
Strung out on Britain's high, hitting an all time low
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simonnance
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wow.... i feel..... honoured..... that you feel enough a t home here to share that with us.
a haert wrenching read, despite its comparative brevity. The 5 paragraphs seem to contain distilled and compressed emotions and fellings which could have spaned pages.
a haert wrenching read, despite its comparative brevity. The 5 paragraphs seem to contain distilled and compressed emotions and fellings which could have spaned pages.
want the FACTS about X2/X3?
Usenko wrote:Don't get me wrong, I think animals have their place in the scheme of things. It's just that in the case of sheep, cattle and pigs, their place happens to be in neat pieces under the griller.
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Some Idiot in PA
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Hey, I was just being honest. I read the whole thing, and truly, honest to god, it was the least interesting thing I've ever read. Aside from the almost MINIMAL reference to X2, there was nothing in it that didn't depress me. 
"SilentWitness" knows that its work is not going to please everybody. It acknowledged that itself (I say it, because I am not getting into any gender issues here). I know I may seem harsh, but aren't I entitled to simply tell the truth? I read the damn thing, and now I put up my "criticism." Whether it was constructive or not, I'm not even sure I would know what "constructive criticism" is, even if it stood up and bit me in the..... 
"SilentWitness" knows that its work is not going to please everybody. It acknowledged that itself (I say it, because I am not getting into any gender issues here). I know I may seem harsh, but aren't I entitled to simply tell the truth? I read the damn thing, and now I put up my "criticism." Whether it was constructive or not, I'm not even sure I would know what "constructive criticism" is, even if it stood up and bit me in the..... Perhaps you are missing some of the background.
The events in this chapter are based on a true story, lived by SW herself. She has said in [ast chapters that a lot of what goes on in her story mimics events from her own life. Especially the serious ones.
Which is why some of your comments can come across as particularly insensitive.
Clearer?
Also, constructive criticism qualifies it's position. Saying its uninteresting alone isn't helpful. It's quite mean actually. But you weren't aware of the seriousness of the peice so I suppose all can be forgiven for both of us.
The events in this chapter are based on a true story, lived by SW herself. She has said in [ast chapters that a lot of what goes on in her story mimics events from her own life. Especially the serious ones.
Which is why some of your comments can come across as particularly insensitive.
Clearer?
Also, constructive criticism qualifies it's position. Saying its uninteresting alone isn't helpful. It's quite mean actually. But you weren't aware of the seriousness of the peice so I suppose all can be forgiven for both of us.
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Some Idiot in PA
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You are right, I missed out on nearly -- okay, ALL -- of the previous chapters in the "SilentWitness" story.GoateeCat wrote:Perhaps you are missing some of the background.
The events in this chapter are based on a true story, lived by SW herself. She has said in [ast chapters that a lot of what goes on in her story mimics events from her own life. Especially the serious ones.
Perhaps, but I've always been considered a jack***. I never shy away from that fact. And I make no attempt to hide it, and I make a policy of not apologizing. No one forgives anyway.Which is why some of your comments can come across as particularly insensitive.
I have had people describe me as "mean," "insensitive," "unintelligent," (I'll give 'em that one... I don't pretend to be smarter than others) and a number of other negative descriptions. It doesn't bother me much any more. I just walk away like this:Also, constructive criticism qualifies it's position. Saying its uninteresting alone isn't helpful. It's quite mean actually.
BTW, I've noticed only two people take offense to my comments, and "SilentWitness" is not one of them. Maybe SilentWitness is smart enough not to take anything I say seriously. Remember, I'm a self-proclaimed Idiot in PA!
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Guest
I haven't read the previous chapters leading to this current one. To be honest I don't think that matters. Anyone with a love of literaure and a soul would recognize that this piece was written from personal experience and with feeling.
To SW: Ignore those who have a limited viewpoint and continue to follow your own destiny. By the way a very well written passage and I shall look forward to reading the back catologue plus future installments.
To SW: Ignore those who have a limited viewpoint and continue to follow your own destiny. By the way a very well written passage and I shall look forward to reading the back catologue plus future installments.
No, it's not just two people.Some Idiot in PA wrote:BTW, I've noticed only two people take offense to my comments, and "SilentWitness" is not one of them. Maybe SilentWitness is smart enough not to take anything I say seriously. Remember, I'm a self-proclaimed Idiot in PA!
Also, as there is nothing in your posts to suggest that you are being light-hearted or flippant, I will continue to assume that your remarks are meant seriously.
If you have no respect for others, then I for one can manage the same for you.
Once it became clear to you that the piece was deeply felt and personal, I feel you should have apologised or stopped posting. I imagine that appealing to your better nature is rather a waste of time though.
Rug
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simonnance
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there is an old saying "if you dont have anythig good to say, dont say anythig"Some Idiot in PA wrote:Hey, I was just being honest. I read the whole thing, and truly, honest to god, it was the least interesting thing I've ever read. Aside from the almost MINIMAL reference to X2, there was nothing in it that didn't depress me.
there is no compulsion for you to post in this thread, ergo if yu have nothing better to do than make inconsiderate and hurtfull remarks then why do you bother? The only impression you give is that (a) you lack a single sensitve bone in your body (b) you realy dont give a shit about anyone but yourself c) you enjoy poking fun at other ppls painful experiences
asuming (a) (b) & (c) dont apply, at the very least you owe SW an apology.
want the FACTS about X2/X3?
Usenko wrote:Don't get me wrong, I think animals have their place in the scheme of things. It's just that in the case of sheep, cattle and pigs, their place happens to be in neat pieces under the griller.